It has been a hellish two weeks at work and I completely forgot to post this. I am so, so sorry Shawna! Forgive meeeeeee!
Hello to all of you Kathleen followers, I’m back!
I’ve just finished week 2 of Project #FreeTheNips and I have to say, I’m becoming more and more disenchanted in many ways, but oddly enough… I don’t know if I want to go back…
If you’re 100% confused and have no clue what I’m talking about, I encourage you to read my first post from week 1 of my month of no bra challenge, which can be found here.
So let’s pick up where we left off, yes?
Last Friday, we were just returning home from a meeting with our new landlord to get the keys to our new apartment. We have now moved, and I must say that moving sans bra was a blessing and a curse. A curse because it was somewhat frustrating to not have a ‘shelf’ of sorts to rest things on. I use my boobs (when they provide the help) to store things on, and mostly hold things, not unlike a hand without fingers. Trying to get your keys out of your purse and unlock your apartment door while holding a piping hot to-go cup of tea? Eh, just squeeze your tea between your tatas and free up some hand space. It’s convenient. Every girl does it, and some of us even admit to doing it.
Needless to say, I can’t do this now. If I was carrying boxes out to the car and I had something precariously perched on top (say, Kathleen’s book, for example), my boobs were not available to catch said item and it would fall sadly to the ground. This happened a lot. I am terribly uncoordinated, and whoever thought that giving me big boxes with loose items in/on them deserves to have their stuff dropped.
Speaking of stuff in boxes, I have no idea where 90% of my wardrobe is. In week 1, I was able to choose only the least exposing tops I own to wear to work. When everything is packed away, and you don’t have the foresight to go through the boxes or pick your outfit for the next day, your choices are somewhat (read: extremely) limited and therefore scary. That emotion brings me to my next point about the negative side of this; the anxiety. As I mentioned in my last post, I honestly don’t know how society is viewing this whole experiment. I’m very aware of the fact that my boobs, being the modest B cup they are, are pointy. Not just when I’m cold or aroused, but they are very Madonna-bra-esque. To me, this makes it seem a lot more obvious when I’m not wearing a bra. So I tried asking people.
I told coworkers and friends that I’m doing this, and they ask if I’m wearing one now. I respond honestly and they are shocked that they can’t tell. They then ask about the results (so far) and I tell them what I’ll tell you all now: so far, it’s made many things a lot more difficult, but I can’t decide if it’s worth it or not.
I can’t decide if I want to put it back on and never speak of this time again (because let’s face it, the girls look decidedly more even and therefore better with a bra), or continue on and go bra-less the majority of the time. I mentioned before that moving without a bra was a blessing in some ways. I found that my spacial awareness is somehow better without the bra. The bras I buy are, well, comfortable, that’s why I buy them. They are also push-up bras. (Side note: Again, I can admit it – I’m not well endowed, and they look rounder and better defined with a push-up.
Despite being as comfortable as possible, they tend to throw me off. The girls are being pulled upwards and supported by straps reaching over my shoulders and latching onto another tie about mid-upper back level. They say that bras are terrible for posture, and so it makes sense that it’s easier to throw yourself off if your posture isn’t good. It’s a hard feeling to describe, but whether it’s the posture or the lack of skin-stifling fabric being pulled against my chest, I feel a lot less out of place.
One last thing I have to tell you guys about, mostly because it’s something that I’ve been dealing with for at least a decade, and I’m surprised by its appearance in this matter.
I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, sometimes severe but most times manageable. I had been reading about these blankets that you can buy that are weighted throughout the blanket, and for some reason (primal nature, perhaps?) these weighted blankets can help reduce or eliminate anxiety attacks when you put them on. I haven’t done a lot of research on it, but I have been thinking on it, and I feel that not having the bra on during the day has led to slightly more stress for me. This could be due to the fact that I think people know I’m not wearing a bra (which is not widely accepted, socially speaking) or because the compression is actually keeping me from going into my anxiety-driven downward spiral. It’s probably a touch of both, but at this point, I don’t think I will continue to wear nothing underneath my shirts.
That’s about it for this week, I will be sure to keep you guys updated next Friday. The next hurdle for the #FreeTheNips movement (it’s a thing with a hashtag now – tell your friends!) is going to the gym. I’ll talk again next Friday! In the meantime, go buy Kathleen’s book, Between Fire and Pines!