In Which “Nuuuuuh!”

I realized the concept of having a preying mantis as a feature image absolutely terrified me. However, instead of changing it I thought it would be more comical to just, you know, push it down and out of the way. Like every other thing I am scared of. Push that mantis picture way down deep where I keep spiders and clowns with bloody eyes. Way, way deep down.

In order to facilitate the pushing down of preying mantises, here is a list of some of the reasons why I like rice. Enjoy.

Why I like Rice, by Kathleen Sawisky (age 24)

  1. It is easy to make
  2. It is a fun rhyming word (rice, nice, twice, lice)
  3. It is good in soup
  4. It is good in pudding
  5. It is tasty on its own or with various condiments
  6. It appears in many ethnic cuisines including, but not limited to: Japanese, Indian, Arabic, Thai
  7. It is tasty with garlic salt, which is a staple in our household
  8. It can (allegedly) fix wet phones. I have yet to try this for myself
  9. It can (allegedly) make pigeons explode, or so I have been told
  10. It is fun to just dig around it. Rice just feels… nice
  11. You can put it in a pillow and then put your head on that pillow and sleep like that to preserve your hair style
  12. It is still tasty the next day. Unlike poultry, which has a distinct ‘Two day old’ flavour. Don’t even disagree, you know it does
  13. You can add it to any other dish and no one will care. It just absorbs the flavour of whatever it is cooked with
  14. It is very difficult to choke on rice
  15. It is cheap.
  16. You can dye it with food colouring and then put it in jars and it looks pretty. It doesn’t do anything else, mind you, but then again you are reading a list about Why I Like Rice so I don’t suppose you have much right to complain
  17. It’s the sort of food that you always have leftovers for, which is very handy if you are a lazy person like myself
  18. It fills you up very quickly (which can lead to a person overeating. But, whatever. That’s for a different list.)
  19. My cat isn’t the least bit interested in eating rice, so when I make some he won’t be hanging around trying to get scraps
  20. There is no such thing as a ‘scrap of rice’
  21. No one notices if you have rice caught in your teeth
  22. Wild Rice is the tastiest food ever
  23. Rice doesn’t judge you
  24. Rice doesn’t see race
  25. Rice will always pick you up when you are down
  26. Rice will be honest with you about your new outfit
  27. Rice is eaten by some of the world’s most famous people, like Kevin Spacey, Matt Damon, Hugh Laurie, Johnny Depp and Stephen Colbert (or so I have heard)
  28. Rice is never gonna give you up
  29. Rice will hold your hair back when you get sick from eating too much rice
  30. There was also that kids book, Chicken Soup With Rice. I seem to remember that being pretty good
  31. Rice is pretty hard to screw up, even in a hospital
  32. Rice can be eaten with fingers, spoons, forks, chopsticks, sporks, and even knives.
  33. Rice will help you with math homework
  34. Rice won’t interrupt you when you are having intimate time in your college dorm room. Rice respects the sock-door handle rule
  35. Rice totally knows that Cute Mark likes you and will set you up with him
  36. Rice is one of the gang

One comment

  1. As someone who does not enjoy rice almost at all, I have to refute every point you made about rice.

    You encouraged comments, so really you brought this on yourself.

    It is easy to make – disagree, it takes time to master, and there are many varieties with different needs.

    It is a fun rhyming word (rice, nice, twice, lice) – not as much fun as ‘orange’ or ‘purple’

    It is good in soup – That doesn’t even make sense.

    It is good in pudding – THE ONLY ONE I CAN’T ARGUE WITH

    It is tasty on its own or with various condiments – false – it needs a ton of anything to make it edible

    It appears in many ethnic cuisines including, but not limited to: Japanese, Indian, Arabic, Thai – see the point about race later on

    It is tasty with garlic salt, which is a staple in our household – so is steak, much tastier

    It can (allegedly) fix wet phones. I have yet to try this for myself – it couldn’t save my digital camera – it’s all LIES

    It can (allegedly) make pigeons explode, or so I have been told – That’s not a benefit, poor pigeons

    It is fun to just dig around it. Rice just feels… nice – sand is more fun and way cheaper

    You can put it in a pillow and then put your head on that pillow and sleep like that to preserve your hair style – A) My hair doesn’t do ANYTHING it’s told to and B) that is bad for your neck

    It is still tasty the next day. Unlike poultry, which has a distinct ‘Two day old’ flavour. Don’t even disagree, you know it does – True, poultry has that yucky flavor, but rice gets hard when it’s been in the fridge – yuck.

    You can add it to any other dish and no one will care. It just absorbs the flavour of whatever it is cooked with – It doesn’t absorb, it DETRACTS the flavor from other stuff.

    It is very difficult to choke on rice – anecdotal evidence says this is false.

    It is cheap. – so is baby powder, doesn’t mean I should eat it!

    You can dye it with food colouring and then put it in jars and it looks pretty. It doesn’t do anything else, mind you, but then again you are reading a list about Why I Like Rice so I don’t suppose you have much right to complain – You can also dye water and spray your snow fort with said water, and you have a magical, colorful snow fort. Also, I am extremely bored and making an entire list of rebuttals.

    It’s the sort of food that you always have leftovers for, which is very handy if you are a lazy person like myself – also lies, we always have too much pasta.

    It fills you up very quickly (which can lead to a person overeating. But, whatever. That’s for a different list.) – WHICH CAN LEAD TO A PERSON OVEREATING. ‘Nuff said.

    My cat isn’t the least bit interested in eating rice, so when I make some he won’t be hanging around trying to get scraps – Beemo is easily distracted by hair elastics, so argument invalid.

    There is no such thing as a ‘scrap of rice’ – what is there a scrap of?

    No one notices if you have rice caught in your teeth – I’ll notice if I have rice in my teeth. And that’s what REALLY counts.

    Wild Rice is the tastiest food ever – also lies, it is hard to cook properly and is usually only properly cooked in expensive dishes at restaurants I cannot afford.

    Rice doesn’t judge you – I feel very judged.

    Rice doesn’t see race – then why is it preferred by Asian countries? HMM?

    Rice will always pick you up when you are down – No, rice is a fair weather food.

    Rice will be honest with you about your new outfit – Is that really for the best? Ignorance is bliss.

    Rice is eaten by some of the world’s most famous people, like Kevin Spacey, Matt Damon, Hugh Laurie, Johnny Depp and Stephen Colbert (or so I have heard) – I’m sure many famous people eat Haggis, doesn’t mean I’m rushing to the market.

    Rice is never gonna give you up – DID YOU JUST RICK ROLL ME?? OMG

    Rice will hold your hair back when you get sick from eating too much rice – Not rice, alcohol, but Sake is made of rice, and I hate sake.

    There was also that kids book, Chicken Soup With Rice. I seem to remember that being pretty good – Chicken Soup for the Soul was better – SANS rice.

    Rice is pretty hard to screw up, even in a hospital – to cook or eat? Nothing tastes good in a hospital.

    Rice can be eaten with fingers, spoons, forks, chopsticks, sporks, and even knives. – I feel like there’s danger in eating rice with knives, and fingers are difficult and messy rice-utensils.

    Rice will help you with math homework – HAH trick question, I don’t do math homework.

    Rice won’t interrupt you when you are having intimate time in your college dorm room. Rice respects the sock-door handle rule – It doesn’t have a choice, it’s being imprisoned in a container in my kitchen.

    Rice totally knows that Cute Mark likes you and will set you up with him – CUTE MARK WILL NEVER LIKE ME, DON’T EVEN RAISE MY HOPES KATHLEEN.

    Rice is one of the gang – But Rice is the awkward member that everyone secretly hates. Is being a part of the gang really worth it?

    And now I’ll go back to Twitter or maybe Netflix. Goodnight.

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