Open Letter, Reflection, Satire, Uncategorized

An Open Letter to Doritos- “But is it yogurt flavored?”

Dear Doritos, I imagine right about now you are asking yourselves what happened. Why has your glorious decision of soft-ish chips, directed towards the females of the planet, been targeted by trollish harassment and mockery since its announcement. Somewhere, I imagine there is an R&D specialist who is gazing woefully at the trending hashtags of… Continue reading An Open Letter to Doritos- “But is it yogurt flavored?”

Open Letter

An Open Letter to Swanson Steamfresh products “The Age of Sauce Is Upon Us”

Thought: Why do we call them 'Corn Mazes'? What fool overlooked the hilarious opportunity for it to be a "Maize Maze"? Dear Swanson Steamfresh, As I write this I am witnessing my husband's face contort in a wildly amusing way. I might say I could have told you so to him, but that would only… Continue reading An Open Letter to Swanson Steamfresh products “The Age of Sauce Is Upon Us”

Open Letter, Random, Satire, Uncategorized

An Open Letter to Andrew, Who Just Wanted to Share a Quote

You might remember Andrew. Andrew emailed me again, this time to share a quote: "You've got to let it go and say it was the best I could do at that time and place in my life. You hope that the thing you're doing next is a little bit better." -Todd McFarlane Here is Katarina… Continue reading An Open Letter to Andrew, Who Just Wanted to Share a Quote

Open Letter, Uncategorized

An Open Letter to Andrew, Who Wants Me to Sign a Petition

Andrew sent me this forward. I don't think I know Andrew. I know some Andrews but I don't think I know this one. Hi, Today—just one week before the Electoral College meets to formally elect our next president—a bipartisan group of electors sent a letter to the Director of National Intelligence James Clapper demanding an… Continue reading An Open Letter to Andrew, Who Wants Me to Sign a Petition

Open Letter, Reflection, Writer-Not-Author

An Open Letter to John Connolly

Dear John Connolly, I'll be the first to admit, I should be busy reading A Time of Torment, which was just (mercifully) released in North America. There is a bonus working in a book store, even if it is a mass retailer. The moment I realized Torment was released I was able to leave our lunch room and… Continue reading An Open Letter to John Connolly

Open Letter, Satire

An Open Letter to Whirlpool CEO, Jeff Fettig

To the Whirlpool CEO, Jeff Fettig, Dear Sir, My recent experience with your Whirlpool W10219708A Compact Front Loading Automatic Washer has been, how to put it delicately, something of a bit of a joke. Were I a calm and reasonable person, I might describe it as mildly frustrating, perhaps even undesirable. Instead, I find that… Continue reading An Open Letter to Whirlpool CEO, Jeff Fettig

Open Letter, Reflection, The Code Series, Uncategorized

An Open Letter to Gregg Hurwitz “Thank you for the perpetual fear of mantoids”

Sometimes I write open letters to people who annoy me. Sometimes I write letters to people who inspire me. Sometimes I write letters to my openly passive aggressive neighbours. Today's letter falls into column 'B'. Dear Mr. Hurwitz, Over ten years ago I managed to get my paws on a copy of The Kill Clause.  I… Continue reading An Open Letter to Gregg Hurwitz “Thank you for the perpetual fear of mantoids”

Open Letter, Satire, Uncategorized

A Brief Open Letter to Billy of Billy’s Library

Dear Billy, While I appreciate your concern for my family life, I do not believe I actually require Stephen R. Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. I would, however, like my copy of A Monstrous Regiment of women and presumably [Redacted] of Toronto would very much like her 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. Don't… Continue reading A Brief Open Letter to Billy of Billy’s Library

Open Letter, Uncategorized

An Open Letter to Our Scummy Neighbour

An Open Letter to Our Scummy Neighbour (With sincerest apologies to those of you without scum) Congratulations on your brazen daylight heist. Your decision to steal a bike out of a locked parkade is remarkable given, and I can’t stress this enough, it is locked and only those who live in the building have access… Continue reading An Open Letter to Our Scummy Neighbour

Open Letter, Uncategorized

An Open Letter to Kevin O’Leary: You’re making us O’Weary

Dear Kevin O'Leary, Listen, Kevin, we need to have a talk. No, I don't have a million dollars to offer you, and no, dinosaur soul juice does not flow through my veins, but I am an Albertan, so listen up. You need to stop. Stop. Stop, Kevin O'Leary. Stop talking. Go away. I will give… Continue reading An Open Letter to Kevin O’Leary: You’re making us O’Weary