Dear Doritos, I imagine right about now you are asking yourselves what happened. Why has your glorious decision of soft-ish chips, directed towards the females of the planet, been targeted by trollish harassment and mockery since its announcement. Somewhere, I imagine there is an R&D specialist who is gazing woefully at the trending hashtags of… Continue reading An Open Letter to Doritos- “But is it yogurt flavored?”
You might remember Andrew. Andrew emailed me again, this time to share a quote: "You've got to let it go and say it was the best I could do at that time and place in my life. You hope that the thing you're doing next is a little bit better." -Todd McFarlane Here is Katarina… Continue reading An Open Letter to Andrew, Who Just Wanted to Share a Quote
So, ha-ha, funny story. Ha, oh boy. Remember... hahah, remember how I finished the draft of Book 2 and it was like, Woaaa, draft done in record time! Hooray! I may have been jumping the gun a tiny bit on that. Not that I was displeased with how Book 2 worked out. It followed my previously… Continue reading The Wicked Earworms: Part Deux
To the Whirlpool CEO, Jeff Fettig, Dear Sir, My recent experience with your Whirlpool W10219708A Compact Front Loading Automatic Washer has been, how to put it delicately, something of a bit of a joke. Were I a calm and reasonable person, I might describe it as mildly frustrating, perhaps even undesirable. Instead, I find that… Continue reading An Open Letter to Whirlpool CEO, Jeff Fettig
Dear Billy, While I appreciate your concern for my family life, I do not believe I actually require Stephen R. Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. I would, however, like my copy of A Monstrous Regiment of women and presumably [Redacted] of Toronto would very much like her 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. Don't… Continue reading A Brief Open Letter to Billy of Billy’s Library
My Fellow Canadians, On the day of this, what is historically the most nauseatingly-propaganda filled election ever witnessed by this country, I would like to pre-emptively thank you for electing me as your new Prime Minister. I know it was a difficult decision, what with Tom Mulcair's excellent beard, Justin Trudeau's luscious locks, and whatever the… Continue reading An Open Letter to My Fellow Canadians: I am Your New Prime Minister
I have no desire to be on the condo board, yet I despise Dean. If someone votes for me, they may theoretically no longer vote for Dean. Ergo, if Dean loses, I win. If we both lose, I still win.
Here in Calgary it is Stampede season, which means we are about to be inundated by approximately 3.7 billion people who come visit the city for ten days in an effort to relive what they presume to be an accurate rendition of the Old Timey West. Two things happen when the Calgary Stampede goes on:… Continue reading Surviving the 2015 Calgary Stampede
My Fellow Albertans, The polls are open in Alberta, and to save you both time and aggravation, I feel it prudent to make my announcement ahead of the officially polling day. I, people of Alberta, your noble Integrity Commissioner for the City of Calgary, am your new Premier. I know, I know. You’re thinking What… Continue reading An Open Letter to the People of Alberta: Behold, Your New Premier (is me)
This is my soapbox. That’s why I write open letters wherein I complain to people, places, things. Basically any noun that really grinds my gears. On very few occasions have I ever found myself so truly enraged by something that I felt the need to take it to the streets. Nope, the good ol’ written… Continue reading All Hail the Mighty Soapbox
