Colbert Report

An Open Letter to Jon Stewart: “Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh nopenopenopenopenope”

An Open Letter to Jon Stewart: “Nuuuuuuuuhhh *helpless weeping*”

Dear Jon Stewart,

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nu-uh. Nope. Honey bunches of nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Not possible. Nope. Nope. No, no, no, no. Not happening, this is not happening. No, I refuse. Nope. No. No. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. No, no, no, no, no, no. Nu-uh, nope.


An Open Letter to Stephen Colbert: “Thanks for the laughs”

Sometimes I like to write open letters to people or things that bring me joy in the pitiless world in which I inhabit. My new husband says I am dramatic and ‘over react’ but I just tell him to turn off the lights and leave me to wallow in my despair. This is one of these letters. Not the despair part. The Open Letter part.

Dear Mr. Colbert,

I had intended in crafting this perfect piece of prose prior to your public parting from The Colbert Report, but then it occurred to me that a) I really didn’t know what to say, and b) I hate alliterations so very much. So here we are, just over a month or so since your cultural phenomenon has ceased and desisted, and my world is a lonely, lonely place.