Sometimes I write open letters to people who annoy me. Sometimes I write letters to people who inspire me. Sometimes I write letters to my openly passive aggressive neighbours. Today's letter falls into column 'B'. Dear Mr. Hurwitz, Over ten years ago I managed to get my paws on a copy of The Kill Clause. I… Continue reading An Open Letter to Gregg Hurwitz “Thank you for the perpetual fear of mantoids”
Dear Billy, While I appreciate your concern for my family life, I do not believe I actually require Stephen R. Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. I would, however, like my copy of A Monstrous Regiment of women and presumably [Redacted] of Toronto would very much like her 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. Don't… Continue reading A Brief Open Letter to Billy of Billy’s Library
Dear Government Agent Who Is Undoubtedly Investigating Me Right Now, Before I start, let me say I love my country. A lot. I am very proud to be Canadian and I have zero qualms with Municipal, Provincial, or Federal politicians. I love being Canadian, I always pay my taxes, I love my free health care… Continue reading An Open Letter to the Government Agent Who is Undoubtedly Investigating Me Right Now
An Open Letter to Our Scummy Neighbour (With sincerest apologies to those of you without scum) Congratulations on your brazen daylight heist. Your decision to steal a bike out of a locked parkade is remarkable given, and I can’t stress this enough, it is locked and only those who live in the building have access… Continue reading An Open Letter to Our Scummy Neighbour
The last seven days have been a bit hectic for me. Along with working, the new Gregg Hurwitz book was released on Tuesday, which took up a couple of my days. I had my six month review at work (mercifully I am still employed!), and then, on saturday, I decided to have an uncomfortably close… Continue reading Book Update (Sort of Not Really I Guess)
Dear Kevin O'Leary, Listen, Kevin, we need to have a talk. No, I don't have a million dollars to offer you, and no, dinosaur soul juice does not flow through my veins, but I am an Albertan, so listen up. You need to stop. Stop. Stop, Kevin O'Leary. Stop talking. Go away. I will give… Continue reading An Open Letter to Kevin O’Leary: You’re making us O’Weary
On Friday I have my appointment with the good doctor to get my spine poked and prodded. First time in nearly two years. I didn't make the connection before, but since I've made an attempt to be more, shall we say, self-aware, about what my body is doing and trying to tell me (insert witticism… Continue reading Chronic Pain Diaries: That Old Waiting Game
Dear Sir and/or Madam, Well, it is the holiday season again, and you and I both know what that means. It means, for those of you uninitiated in the ritual of retail work, that people like sir and/or madam, hereby known as Lord and Lady Faffworth respectively, decide to lose all basic human interaction skills… Continue reading An Open Letter to The Awful People Who Shop at This Time of Year
Flip, my knees are cold. It's like I somehow forgot that Canadian late fall mornings are frigid. Note to self, wear tights underneath next time. Oh god, my nose is leaking. Don't sniff too hard or you will look like one of those gross people that lick cats in their spare time. At least I… Continue reading Thoughts on a Train, Again.
I have taken a lot of morphine. Like, just a shit tonne. A metric shit tonne. The woman across from me has a massive phone cover that is shaped like a frog crossed with a watermelon and it is fabulous. Maybe it is a bear and a watermelon. There is definitely a watermelon in there… Continue reading Thoughts On a Train Part 4
The Code Series 