Dear Sir, The recent crown approval of Bill C-51, also known as the Super Protection Power Friends Act, has now given your government remarkable access to the personal information of Canadians all in the name of terrorism prevention. I assume, unless you have been holed up in a bunker under Parliament for the last several… Continue reading An Open Letter to Stephen Harper: “So, about this Bill C-51…”
I've been in a writing slump lately. Fortunately, nothing inspires more than the rage that develops when my favorite television show is cancelled. An Open Letter to NBC, I want to be polite, I really do. I feel like I owe it to you for providing the world with… I don’t know, let’s say ten years of… Continue reading An Open Letter to NBC: “Alas, I have no more sarcastic slow-claps to give”
Dear Premier Notley, First, let me congratulate you on the NDP's stunning rise to power in Alberta. 40 years is too long to suffer through anything without seeing some change (and I say that almost completely without irony save for the little bit which, I assume, will become clear in the next few paragraphs.) I… Continue reading An Open Letter to Alberta Premier Rachel Notley
My Fellow Albertans, The polls are open in Alberta, and to save you both time and aggravation, I feel it prudent to make my announcement ahead of the officially polling day. I, people of Alberta, your noble Integrity Commissioner for the City of Calgary, am your new Premier. I know, I know. You’re thinking What… Continue reading An Open Letter to the People of Alberta: Behold, Your New Premier (is me)
Dear Overly Passive Aggressive Neighbor, You’re upset. I get that. It’s tough living in a multi-family building, especially when you move in expecting ethereal peace and, I assume, the dulcet tones of Enya to wake you up in the morning. Obviously you missed the previous amendment to the condo regulations where it was stated that… Continue reading An Open Letter to My Overly Passive Aggressive Neighbor
Dear Morons, I’m sorry, did that start a bit harsh? You’re probably right. How rude of me. Let’s try that again. Dear Human Filth, What, still too much? Bah, there’s no making some assholes happy, that’s for sure. Let’s just continue on. Dear Disgusting Representation of Mankind, It must be very hard for you, to… Continue reading An Open Letter to the People Criticizing Kristi Gordon of Global BC
Dear Whomever-the-Hell-is-in-Charge-(?)-of-Pretty-Little-Liars, Bravo. If I could convey a slow, unamused, snarky slow clap via the internet, that is precisely what you would be hearing right now. Bra-fucking-o. You did it. You got all of us. All of us who tune in weekly, most reluctantly, in the dim hope that this will be the week. This… Continue reading An Open Letter to Whomever the Hell is in Charge of Pretty Little Liars
Dear Ben and/or Jerry, Listen, I get it, guys. We are America’s hat. We live in a country that is under snow 95% of the year. The other 5% consists entirely of room temperature water hatching mosquitos. Sure, we’re the second largest country on earth, but I can appreciate why you might not view Canada… Continue reading An Open Letter to Ben & Jerry
Dear City of Calgary Council, Integrity Commissioner here, thought maybe I would chime in on this whole 'funding for public art' issue that has been troubling some of you for the last little while. Of course the drop in oil prices has us all panicking and retreating to our Campbell's Soup-Stocked emergency shelters and panic… Continue reading Yet Another Open Letter to the City of Calgary and the City Council “Art? I am the art!”
An Open Letter to Jon Stewart: “Nuuuuuuuuhhh *helpless weeping*” Dear Jon Stewart, Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nu-uh. Nope. Honey bunches of nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Not possible. Nope. Nope. No, no, no, no. Not happening, this is not happening. No, I refuse. Nope. No. No. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. No, no, no, no,… Continue reading An Open Letter to Jon Stewart: “Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh nopenopenopenopenope”
The Code Series 